The Threesome Thread

Dave · The Threesome Thread

This will inevitably die quickly on this forum because it involves a bit of creativeness and not just bashing out numbers

One person simply asks for three things and the next person thinks of them and then asks for three others, they can be about anything from aardvarks to zzap, kapeesh?

I'll go first:
3 songs that two men should never sing to each other

Scratch-n-sniff

I'm slightly disapointed this thread is not "who would you have a threesome with" netherless I'll give it a pop

You've lost that loving feeling
Can't get you out of my head
I will always love you

Name three things you would take on a desert island

(btw, if I had a threesome it would be with Paula Garces and Scarlett Johansson)

Dave

-Paula Garces
-Scarlett Johansson
-Bucket of baby oil

3 really bad chat-up lines

Scratch-n-sniff

Hi My name's Nulty
You want some extra Nulty Nuts with that?
Nutly's the name, boning's my game

Name 3 things that a woman does that a man wont do

Dave

- Talk on the phone for more than two minutes without getting bored
- Sit cross-legged
- Giggle while watching porn

3 things you don't want someone on a bus to say to you

Scratch-n-sniff

Can I sniff your sweet spot?
Is anyone sitting there?
Hi my names Nulty

3 things most likely to be found in George Bush's bedroom

StinkyP

George Bush's Superman pajamas
A nappy
Bin Laden

Three complete and utter cunts with no redeemable features who you wouldn't even beat with a shovel if they were on fire.

Dave

- Jade Goody's agent
- Michael Winner (I know it's a cliche to hate him but come on, he's repulsive)
- Sharon Osbourne (a woman who has built a whole career on not being likeable in the slightest)

3 people most likely to be secret sex offenders

Louis

David Cameron
Nulty
Stephen Hawking

3 unlikely uses for a potato

Scratch-n-sniff

Mash
Facial Hair growth
Shoving up your bumhole

Name 3 people most likely to die in the next 5 years

Dave

- Tony Hart
- Tony Benn
- Margaret Thatcher (although she'll probably live to be 800)

3 people most likely to fade away before making big comebacks of some kind

Scratch-n-sniff

Artic Monkeys
Tony Blair
Boris Yeltsin

Name 3 comedians who aren't funny

StinkyP

Jimmy Carr
Leigh Francis
Jo Brand (she represents ALL women)

Three favourite black people.

Dave

- Samuel L Jackson
- Omid Djalili
- Idi Amin

3 films that would have been improved with explosions

Scratch-n-sniff

Rocky
The Sentinel
This is Spinal Tap

3 movies that would be improved without explosions

Dave

-The Day Steven Hawking Exploded
-Gladiator 2: The Kabooming
-Kitten on Grenade III

Name 3 people who make you utter the phrase "bloody hell they've really gone downhill" whenever you see them

Scratch-n-sniff

Kid Rock
Michael Jackson
Rolypoly bear who likes to roll down hills

name 3 members of the forum

Gibbo

PeeJay
FuntKlakow
Bolifuzgad

Name three reasons why Will & Grace is funny

(this is a hard one)

Dave

There's a raving gay
There's a woman with a funny voice
It's more popular than it should be

(I only agree with the third reason by the way)

Name three people who would make amazing popes

Scratch-n-sniff

Mr T (He'd just tell confessors to get some nuts!)
David Guest
James Pope

Name 3 reasons why fraiser is better than cheers

Dave

More sarcasm
It features a man from Blackpool
It inspired one of the funniest Simpsons episodes ever

3 sequels that would be impossible

Scratch-n-sniff

Gladiator
Braveheart
Rocky 7, altho I'm going to eat my words on that one

name 3 shit simpsons episodes except the one with the singing throughout(this should be quite hard)

Dave

- The one where they go to Italy (2753 me it's bad)
- The one where Lisa goes to Washington (it's not great)
- Dancing Homer

Name 3 celebrities who haven't been on the Simpsons but should be

Scratch-n-sniff

I had a right browse at this

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_celebrities_on_The_Simpsons

so;

Gordon Ramsey ('m guessing this will be soon)
Samuel L . Jackson
Nulty

Name 3 tv shows that Dale Winton has presented

Dave

Wow that list is great, I had no idea that Chester J Lampwick was done by Kirk Douglas

- Supermarket Sweep
- That Lottery One
- Winton Bums Men (due for showing in 2009)

3 people whose faces look like muffins (excluding those mentioned by Ross Noble)

Scratch-n-sniff

damn! I was thinking to use his list aswell!

David Guest
Andrew Lloyd Webber
The Muffin Man

3 Items in a prison cell

Dave

A prisoner
Another prisoner
A 40-inch High Definiton Television (satire)

3 words that sound rude but aren't

StinkyP

Flaps
Muff
Coomb

Three inappropriate words to describe your relationship with your father.

Scratch-n-sniff

chum
pal
special bond

3 things you hate doing which involves relatives

Dave

- That 'mwah' thing where you just kiss next to their cheek when you meet
- Still being regarded as someone who is too young to know what alcohol is by some really old auntie
- Funerals

3 unwise names for a clown

Scratch-n-sniff

Tickle the Clown
Poke the Clown
Bugger the Clown

3 things you wish you were doing right now

StinkyP

Bumming Gillian Anderson.
Bumming Halle Berry.
Just bumming.

Three inferior religious idols whom Jesus would batter.

Gibbo

Hare Krishna
Vishnu
Tom Cruise

Three superheroes that should exist but don't

Major Neil

World Peace Man
Feed Africa Man
Sir Bonk A Lot

(Bob Geldoff had a gun to my head for the first two... oh and the third one!!)

Scratch-n-sniff

u idiot, u need to continue the thread, you have a nasty habit of doing this

3 threads neil has ruined

Dave

- This one apparently
- Some other one
- The Don't-post-on-this-thread-if-your-name-is-Neil Thread

3 disasters that will happen in the next five years at which you will guiltily smile

Scratch-n-sniff

America's Economy collapses
Bob Geldoff dies
Earthquake in Wales

3 reasons why Canada is better than America

Louis

Its in the Commonwealth
Greg Rusedski
Mounties

3 most overrated actors

StinkyP

Robert DeNiro
Al Pacino
Marlon Brando

Three things the fattest man in the world can't do but you can.

Scratch-n-sniff

Eat 3 Big King XXL burgers
Wear a bra
rest dinner on belly

3 things you can do but the worlds skinniest man cant

Dave

Haha you got that one quite wrong

- Put my fingers round my arm without making them touch
- Hide my ribs
- Eat food

3 things you envy about a man with no eyes

Scratch-n-sniff

nah I actually got it VERY right

look down womens tops and get away with it x 3

3 things you should never do in iraq

Louis

Go into Bagdad shouting Long live America you Iraqi Pigs
walk round without shoes on
Go there

3 things you shouldnt do in america

Dave

- Drive a car with COUNTRY AND WESTERN IS RUBBISH scrawled on the side
- Bomb anything (they're really touchy about that, jeez)
- Go rafting in Georgia

3 names that a racist would call a different country

StinkyP

Bongo-bongo Land
Yid Island
Australi-nigger

Three sentences you could happily follow by high fiving and shouting "Oh yeah!".

Gibbo

That's what your mum said last night!
So I kicked his ass right outta that wheelchair!
Give me a high five and shout "oh yeeeahh"

Three things that would improve male anatomy

Scratch-n-sniff

no penis (cus the male genetailier is just ugly)
no beer belly
less back/nose/ear hair

3 ways to shut a woman up

Major Neil

slap to the face
apple in the mouth
do the housework

3 fun things to do with a pair of tights and a bow tie?

Dave

- Dress a tramp up in them and take pictures
- Wrap the tights around your eyes, staple the bow tie to you scrotum and dance down Lord Street
- Use the tights as rope to climb up into a tree and put the bow tie on a bird of your choice

3 odd uses for a space-hopper

Scratch-n-sniff

coffee table
beer mat
the ears use as a double dildo

3 people who most annoy you

Dave

- Tabloid journalists
- Zany students
- Anyone in Heat magazine

3 words that don't sound rude but actually are

Scratch-n-sniff

Tube
Vulva
Nulty

3 ways or getting to france

Dave

- Planes
- Trains
- Automobiles

3 really shitty jobs

EmmersoN

Anything where you don't have access to this wonderful forum
A sewer cleaner allowed only to use your tongue.
A teacher (kids are bastards!)

Three really great jobs

Scratch-n-sniff

ice cream tester
computer game tester
vagina tester

3 jobs that are ok but you'd rather being doing something else

Dave

- Mine
- Anything in an office
- Vagina tester if you're gay

3 jobs that would suit a deaf man

Scratch-n-sniff

colour co-ordinator
sign language teacher
sound horn operator

3 ways to drive with out using you arms

Dave

-Knees
-Mouth
-Trained chimp

3 things you hate about YouTube

jamie

-people who leave comments and the comments they leave
-people who play video game music on guitars with continual shredding
-that i didn't to buy a server on which to store other people's movies first

the three most erotic animals

Scratch-n-sniff

aardvark
blue tit
woodcock

3 ways to kill boredom in lectures

Dave

- Doodle little pictures of goats on the table in front of you
- Attempt to communicate with people using telepathy alone, if they look at you while you're trying to call them with your mind, you get a million points
- See how far you can strip off before someone notices, shoes and socks are easy but then things get tricky

3 really bad surgical procedures to undergo

Scratch-n-sniff

Penis Size Reduction
Breast Implants
Nose Enlargement

3 ways to confuse a doctor

Dave

- Fill out all your forms as if you were the opposite gender
- Book an appointment with him and then just complain about your car not being able to start
- Speak esperanto

3 ways to confuse a dog

Scratch-n-sniff

I always find throwing an imaginary ball for my dogs hilarious
give it cat food
show it porn with people doing it doggy style

3 uses for the french

StinkyP

Making cow custard
Making into cow custard
Keeping us away from the Spanish

Three reasons, bar the actual act of man love, why you couldn't be gay.

Dave

I'm too tall to mince
I buy clothes once every five years
Every other possible reason

3 reasons we need the monarchy

Scratch-n-sniff

Something to put on currrency and stamps
Tourism to get americans to visit our contry for more than just fish and chips
Fillers for tabloid newspapers when there isnt much news knocking about

3 reasons why italy > spain

Dave

It's a funnier shape
Without Italy we wouldn't have pizzas
Spain didn't invent Romans, who improved this country no end

3 different American stereotypes

Louis

Fat Burger eating 50 stone man
Deep south yokel who married his sister
Bronx Mafioso type character

3 different British sterotypes

Scratch-n-sniff

Pakistani corner shop owner man
scouse scally
cockney swan in a basket eating londoner

3 world wide stereo types

jamie

teac
alba
panasonic

three famous belgians

Dave

Dr Evil
Tintin
Papa Smurf

3 things you wouldn't want down your pants

Scratch-n-sniff

a pineapple
a hedgehog
nulty

3 ways to make yourself sneeze

Dave

Shoving snuff up your nose
Snorting dust
Looking into a bright light

3 ways to make yourself cough

Scratch-n-sniff

punch your self in the stomach
get a friend to punch you in the stomach
make an appointment at the doctors for a hernea examination

3 uses for a traffic cone

EmmersoN

Gibbo

- Shock brought on by thousands of successive orgasms
- Cocaine-induced heart attack while cavorting with a stripper in a Las Vegas hotel's presidential suite (the "Entwhistle Method")
- Nulty

Three BBC comedies from the last seven years that have actually been funny

StinkyP

Help
The Thick of It
And one that doesn't star a paedo - Lead Balloon

If you were a judge, three crimes you'd let people off with.

Dave

Accidentally killing a burglar who broke into their house
Shooting a Welshman with a crossbow on a Sunday on the church steps of somewhere
Suicide

3 musical instruments that don't exist

Scratch-n-sniff

Dave

Talk about how courageous you are
Buy a French horn and then blow it
Have a really bendy spine

3 crap super powers

StinkyP

The ability to drive with no hands
The ability to riverdance
Cancer

Things you really hate doing in a nightclub.

Scratch-n-sniff

buying expensive drinks
snogging ugly girls
snogging ugly boys

3 things to do on an aeroplane

Gibbo

Join the mile-high club
Use the emergency call button to get more booze
Fight snakes

Three ways to leave your lover

Scratch-n-sniff

Say your two different people
need a break
need some time on your own

3 ways to get a lover

Gibbo

Romance
Alcohol
Chloroform

Three horsemen of the apocalypse who didn't quite make it

Scratch-n-sniff

persistence
agreivence
franky detori

3 commandments that were soon forgot

Dave

Thous shalt not be religious
Thou shalt not sound unnecessarily Biblical
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's dodo

3 more deadly sins

Scratch-n-sniff

horneyness
evilness
nultyness

3 ways to skin a rabbit

Dave

With a machete
With a potato peeler
With your teeth

3 threads that would be immediately deleted if they were created here

Major Neil

the "hey i have found a better forum than this" thread
the "how sporadic am I?!" thread
the "lets point out everything that is wrong with Major Major" thread

3 words you say on a daily basis

Scratch-n-sniff

ok
yeah
what do you mean the bus is cancelled!?

3 most commonly used objects around the house

Dave

Couch
Remote control
Fridge door handle

3 least used objects around the home

StinkyP

Fire
Whisk
The badly wired plug socket in the bathroom

Three things that would make you move out of your house.

Dave

A deranged axeman roaming around upstairs
The house splitting in half due to the movement of tectonic plates
Eamonn Holmes boiling piss in your bath

3 things that would make the perfect house

Scratch-n-sniff

me
dave
nulty

3 reasons why london would make a good olypic host

Dave

- It has people, they could be used for athletes
- It has enough drugs to make for entertaining scandals
- Something to do with Seb Coe

3 stupid places to have the Olympics

Scratch-n-sniff

antartica
the moon
in my house

3 soaps that are not as good as hollyoaks, this should be easy

StinkyP

El Dorado
Take the High Road
Flying Doctors

Three places in town where the bouncers are cunts.

Scratch-n-sniff

Berjingo's
Azzures
Cava

3 bars in town which are awesome!