Have you ever?

StinkyP · Have you ever?

Because the threesome thread will unfortunately die soon, I have A NEW GAME! I ask a "Have you ever?" question. You answer and reply with one of your own. It's so simple even Chris Moyles could do it.

Hae you ever met a Canadian?

J4K1NATOR

No

Have you ever swallowed an inedible object before (not as a baby) and what was it?

Gibbo

Not as far as I know. That was interesting wasn't it? Smile

Have you ever told a racist joke only to find out a member of that race was right next to you?

Scratch-n-sniff

sort of, I told one and my m8's girlfriend is black but I didnt know

have you ever read a better idea for a thread than this?

StinkyP

Quite honestly, never in all my weblife.

Have you ever "accidentaly" slipped it in the wrong'un?

Dave

Is that a euphemism or just a reference to changing gears whilst driving? I'll say no anyway just to be on the safe side

Have you ever been to France? (I want a yes answer on this thread soon)

Scratch-n-sniff

YES!!!!! Lots of times, places recommended by That cock who doesn't like Monty Python :P to visit include;

Annecy
Reims
La Rochelle
Lille
Machcouelle
Anywhere with snow for boarding

Places to avoid include;

Paris
Lyon
Spain....well near spain

have you ever kissed a member of the opposite sex (wow this is like a virtual drinking game)

Major Neil

yes

have you ever had a wank in work?

Scratch-n-sniff

does revision count as work? Not very hygenic to do it in a hospital, in a bank? Well theres more of a job in hand there.

Be well funny if some one saw what you wrote then.

Have you ever got caught staring down a womans top?

Major Neil

yeah loadsa times!! hehe

have you ever thought a woman from behind was quite attractive and then when shes turned around she is in fact well over 50 years old and has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle?!

Scratch-n-sniff

all the secretaries I work with fit that description so yes

Have you ever thought a woman was fit but it turned out to be a bloke?

Dave

I have seen a man that looks like a woman but I reeeally didn't think he/she/ it was fit

Have you ever been robbed by someone? I mean in the street or something not just having your pencils stolen from out your school locker

Gibbo

Don't think so, but in Russia on the school trip one of the kids in the group got pickpocketed by a one-armed child. I kid you not.

Have you ever eaten a chili to be macho and then realised what a terrible mistake you've just made?

Dave

No, I only ever eat chilli because I'm a greedy bastard

Have you ever eaten a whole spoon of something that shouldn't be eaten in spoonfuls?

Major Neil

yes. salt! I was playing dare as a child. DO NOT EAT A SPOONFUL OF SALT. IT'S HORRIBLE!!

Have you ever been wedgied?! (or however it is spelt!??)

Dave

No, but then again I always go commando

Have you ever seen someone really famous but been too shy or embarrassed to do anything about it?

StinkyP

I was drinking in the same pub as Jimmy Corkhill but he was far too loomy and camp for somebody who made a career out of headbutting people.

Have you ever actually danced? Properly, not just because you're pissed.

Scratch-n-sniff

haha, no, always pissed

have you ever snorted vodka?

Dave

Nope

Have you ever had a yard of ale?

Gibbo

Yes, it's all fine until you get to the bulb, then it splashes you in the face.

Have you ever got a part of you stuck in something else, with funny consequences?

Scratch-n-sniff

finger in a bottle, god knows what i was doing (replace the word finger with cock and the word bottle with dog)

have you ever seen something you really didnt want to see?

J4K1NATOR

YES. cabin fever. quite possibly the worst horror film ever made.

have you ever gotten onto the wrong train?

Scratch-n-sniff

no, but my x-g.f got on the wrong train at birmingham which went direct to london, hilarious

have you ever been dumped for a shit reason?

Dave

Yeah, it was totally unfair, all I ever did was bleed profusely from every bodily orifice in my arse raping session, how can I help that?

Have you ever broken a bone?

EmmersoN

Nope

Have you ever broken a phone?

J4K1NATOR

Nope. My friend did once with my cordless house phone
he hid it from me in a jug that he didn't know was filled with water.

have you ever been puked on?

EmmersoN

Almost on about 3 occassions but no.

Have you ever puked on someone?

Scratch-n-sniff

no but my x-g.f puked on my m8s shoes and I've puked in various peoples sinks and toilets over the years

Have you ever been caught dancing to a song in your bedroom?

Dave

No, I'm not a 16 year old girl........anymore

Have you ever been caught talking to yourself?

Scratch-n-sniff

yes few times, only when im concentrating on something like maths though

have you ever used cockney rhyming slang in day to day conversation and people know what you just said?

StinkyP

Only when doing an uncanny impression of Michael Caine. "Oi, get awf my dog and bone." See?

Have you ever been so angry you're literally seen red?

J4K1NATOR

Surprisingly not.

have you ever caused or been part of any hilarious accident?

Dave

I drove a motorbike into a wall once which was more hilarious to the people around me than it was to me

Have you ever nearly died?

Scratch-n-sniff

hmmm no, but i spose you can every time you cross a road

have you ever watched the sky at night?

J4K1NATOR

what a lovely question. why you know what, i have.

And to answer the previous question, I almost drowned at the age of four in a lock (water level changer to allow boats to go uphill on canals) whilst the water dragged me under. Funnily enough I was more afraid of electric eels rather than drowning at the time. No joke.

have you ever seen someone die?

Dave

I saw my dog get put to sle.ep when I was a kid, I learned all I needed to know about death that day

Have you ever fell out of a window?

Scratch-n-sniff

no. fell off chairs and fell over whilst pissed tho

have you ever slipped over in some toilets and landed on the floor that was covered in piss?

Major Neil

errrr nooo?! Rolling Eyes

have you ever got off with a woman who appeared to have no chin in Heebie Jeebies?

Dave

No, what kind of depraved individual would?! Wink

Have you ever been naked when you shouldn't have been?

Scratch-n-sniff

In my defense I'm not a big fan of chins anyway

been naked in the grand canyon!!!! Watch out for more nakedness at the iguacu falls this summer on my south american adventure

have you ever been out then got lost from everyone and had to walk home alone?

Dave

I don't think so but it's only a matter of time

Have you ever had a phone battery die or credit run out during a genuine emergency?

Scratch-n-sniff

no

have you ever seen a disney film that was crap?

Dave

I wouldn't be a straight adult man if I said no

Have you ever touched an electric fence?

Scratch-n-sniff

YES! on duke of edinburgh expedition, it was like a hammer hitting your chest was prob the best way i could describe it

have you ever wished you watched a national lampoon movie in stead of a monty python one?

Dave

No because technically I'm not a cuntface

Have you ever touched your eyeball?

Scratch-n-sniff

yes! its not nice

have you ever wished you didnt go to the casino?

Dave

Yes, fairly recently in fact

Have you ever got something stuck up your nose?

StinkyP

Maybe: I remember my dad telling me he stopped a spider crawling into my nose one night. That made me terrified of sleeping for years.

Have you ever pretended to have a super power?

Dave

No, I remember pretending to have a limp once for some unfathomable reason

Have you ever stolen something from a shop?

Gibbo

Yes, back when shoplifting was cool and peer pressure was king. I don't know if the Catalyst Centre will ever recover from the loss of the pen I nicked.

Have you ever kicked a cat, when no one was around? I've always wanted to. I reckon it'd make an hilarious sound

Scratch-n-sniff

of course not, i love cats

have you ever drunk for 24 hours?

Dave

No, I imagine weariness would eventually make it boring

Have you ever punched someone in the face?

Liam, Major Major drummer

i punched someone in the top of the head once at a karl keniddy gig, does that count

have you ever gone to extrodinary lengths to win a bet?

Dave

I think I drank a horrible drink for a fiver once. It tasted of pepper

Have you ever fallen more than twice your height?

Liam, Major Major drummer

no but i have jumped that height

have you ever wished you hadnt?

Dave

Oh yes

Have you ever licked your toes?

Azzar

No. Never

Ever asked a female for anal and been pleasantly suprised by her answer?

Liam, Major Major drummer

no comment

have you ever cut of your own toe to see if it would grow back.

Dave

Yes, it didn't

Have you ever swallowed something metal?

Scratch-n-sniff

hmmm no but i have a fear of swallowing a pound coin :-S

have you ever been held against your will?

Liam, Major Major drummer

not really. i keep going back to work against their will.

(is it a specifc pound coin or just pound coins in general)

have you ever dressed as a woman and thought "yea id do me"

Dave

No but I do think that when I'm dressed as a sheep

Have you ever danced naked in front of a television?

Liam, Major Major drummer

yes and i was on it at the time

have you ever smiled at a crockodile

Elgi the Woo

No, you must NEVER smile at a crocodile!

Have you ever bought a fajita kit then forgot to get the peppers and onions to fill them? Jackass!

Gibbo

Yep, all the time. Then it's a debate over whether just to eat the tortillas on their own

Ever had a homoerotic dream?

Liam, Major Major drummer

no epecially not about you gibbo!!!!

have you ever lost it all on simon?

Dave

No because I picked the right one, tee hee hee

Have you ever bet more than a tenner on one thing?

Liam, Major Major drummer

i once put £20 on red and lost it. i only went in with a fiver so it wasnt that bad.

have you ever atacked conni huq to rub and get you hands on a torch.

jamie

yes but this was years before she did milkshake and heroin.

have you ever rolled up inside your grandmother's foreskin and developed teeth in petri dishes from keith chegwin's stem cells?

Liam, Major Major drummer

no but it sounds like a good night out

have you ever been so shocked at something jamie has said youve had to eat your own eyes?

Dave

Yeah, quite recently in fact

Have you ever drank ink?

Liam, Major Major drummer

yes once accientally in year 5 i was biting my pen and it exploded.

have you ever really found fluff in your belly boutton?

StinkyP

Yup. Haven't you? Immensely satisfying like a stodgy pudding.

Have you ever, ever felt like this; when strange things happen, are you going round the twist?

Major Neil

rain rain wank me off come again another day!! yes I have!!

ps belly button fluff is an hourly pick for me!!

Have you ever scared someone so much that they have literally shit themselves!?

Liam, Major Major drummer

3 points

ha ha ha haforbiden words

you fluffy bugger

no but i whish i had

have you ever done something really hollywood clishe like go investigate a weird sound in just your pants holding a lamp with wich to hit said intruder/alien/deamon?

Dave

Apart from when I solved the murder case after being suspended from the force......no

Have you ever bled from something that wasn't your skin?

Liam, Major Major drummer

how is that even posible were entirely covered in skin?

have you ever used a rhyming dictionary to cheat at a forum game?

Dave

No I was saving myself, I know how to prioritise

(You can bleed from any orifices- it's your choice)

Have you ever pinched yourself to see if you're in a dream and somehow thought that was a decent enough test of reality

Liam, Major Major drummer

ive pinched other people to see if they were dreaming. ellie was pretty mad. it was the one where she meets hanson and there are 6 secret ones.

have you ever sat so close to the fire you have burnt?

Elgi the Woo

I once blistered my finger because I touched the fire grate when the fire was going. And Jess once set her hair on fire accidentally, haha good Hereford times.

Have you ever been abroad and felt like there's another year before you come home even though it's only 6 more days?

P.s. Hanson rock and you know it's true!!

Liam, Major Major drummer

gotta be a no on that one for me. a bit specific

have you ever instantly hated a work colegue from the moment you met the snooty bastard?

Dave

Haha no actually, I'm nearly always wrong about people in work- either they look a dick but turn out alright or start off sound before becoming irritating

Have you ever wasted a day and yet still not regret it?

jamie

yes because i have to write that damn american fiction essay too.

have you ever burped and a bit of bile came up and stung the back of your throat?

Liam, Major Major drummer

yea its horrible

have ever been shocked to find out that your parents are in the house?

Dave

Yes, especially during my designated Wanking Hour (5.13pm - 5.15pm)

Have you ever been aroused by something not human?

Liam, Major Major drummer

the girl puppet in the dolmeo adverts confuses me

have you ever learned more about dave than you would like to?

jamie

yes: pretty much everything in that facts about the person above you thread.

have you ever cross-dressed?

Major Neil

My sisters put make up on me one time, and I put a dress out of a charity bag on for a laugh one time! But I have never dragged up to the nines!!!

Have you ever cracked a joke/funny remark that you think the person will relate to and laugh only to find out you have insulted him and his wife?!

E.G..

Man in my office- "There are some weird and wonderful things that people are taking time off from work with isn't there? There's a woman here and on her sick note it says shes off because she is having discomfort with a dislodged coil!"

Me- "Who has the coil nowadays??!"

Man in office- " My wife!!"

Dave

Haha yeah I'm guessing I have but not realised it because I'm an insensitve oaf

Have you ever accidentally smacked your gum with the top of your toothbrush while brushing?

Major Neil

yeah That's horrible!! and it bleeds!! n feels like a bruise on your gum!! nasty!

have you ever tried to pluck your nose hair?

Scratch-n-sniff

EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!! Too many years of potatoe rubbing on my face has cause mass nose hair, fortunatley i stayed away from my ears so none there yet

Have you ever peered out of your window "to see what the comotion was about" ?

Liam, Major Major drummer

i havent but dave has.

have you ever been incredibly bored in work?

jamie

i stand for fourteen hours every weekend looking at hundreds of pairs of trousers so no i've never been bored at work.

have you ever bought a spice girls album?

Liam, Major Major drummer

i used to have all of them and feel no shame in telling the wold that news

have you ever woke up hung over without having gone out the night before?

Dave

On Thursday I felt really hungover on the bus, despite only drinking 3 Guinni (plural of Guinness) the night before and getting the last bus at half eleven. What a weakling

Have you ever claimed something completely ridiculous is true and then been really stubborn about it to the point where people actually begin to believe you?

Liam, Major Major drummer

no but i heard about this one guy who recons his son and the sons girlfriend were killed by prince phillip. that got really out of hand

have you ever been cought wanking?

Major Neil

I haven't! and I am soooo glad! How fucking embarassing it would be!

Have you Liam, ever been caught wanking?

Liam, Major Major drummer

not really.

have you ever wanted to walk out of work and quit really dramatically but then realised that you like lovely money too much?

Major Neil

everyday!!

Have you ever used a photocopier to photocopy a part of your anatomy?

jamie

let it be known: it is stupid to scan your face but it is far stupider to do so with your eyes open.